Anonymous2: And when i looked at this i thought to myself, just for a second. What is wrong with me? I spend my life wasting away here and I don't feel as if its anything wrong to do. When growing up, at what point did my brain give looking at such things the "that's totally fine by me"? What is the set time in my growth when I accepted the fact that I could sit here rotting away in an old office chair and see nothing wrong with it? As a child I did plenty of things and I would find it a blessing to go back in time and change the outcome. But simultaneously I don't find such an embarrassing thing like this to have any problem naturally, I have standards of course. But when did this cross the line from shameful to normal, if i could go back several years and look at all my characteristics, then compare them to the me from now. What would've changed from adopting this lifestyle? If I were to bring past me to the future, would my friends notice the change in me? If anything the only reason I jerk off is due to boredom, I get caught up in work or on a particularly long weekend and somehow I dig into the rabbit hole of horniness yet again. Although it doesn't get in the way of anything for me schedule wise, I still see disgust in the action and when not horny steer clear of such odd things. But I almost feel I take on a different person when i'm gonna yank my tank. Its like all my shame goes away, now this leads down two roads. Either I blow a load in the short time frame I have or I get really deep under my own skin and dig up very personal issues. Luckily a lot of the time I blow and forget about it, it feels good for a moment and then it fades. But during the second road trip I almost feel like my brain is trying to correct the horniness but the answer lies deep, so it goes savagely digging into my mind to no avail leaving me a disappointed husk of myself. I've got friends, I have people attracted to me. I have my pet cat, I have my family. But I always seem to end up here, scratching at bark again. Why am I like this?
RedPanda48: @Anonymous: don't feel bad about mastribating, it is normal. And don't feel bad about yourself. Don't live in the past, keep looking forward to future events. It keeps life easy.
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