Anonymous7: Tears fill the very corners of my glittering, glistening eyes. A single drop falls down my puffy cheeks as I sniffle. Face hot, hands cold. This is it. As a lay on the floor, I curl up into a ball, arms crossed and knees bent toward my torso. A stream of glowing tears create a small, beauteous puddle that was full of sparkles and light. I touched the floor slightly with the tip of my fingers, examining the details of the marble tiles. Something about the patterns made me apoplectic with anger, alongside with angst. Was it...the jock? My hands clenched into fists. No. That can't be. I stood up and looked in the other direction. Silence. I could feel a faint heartbeat. Was it mine, or something else...? An aura surrounded me. I felt a rumble in the ground. I panic, my mind spinning in several places. No. No! Not that! It can't be...the jock of all people!! The place turns to black. All I see is...nothing. I could feel nothing, taste nothing, breathe nothing, hear nothing. I wiped the forgotten tears off my face. My lacrimal glands were sore after crying so much. I have come this far. I thought of the jock, out of ALL people, so many times. Not just any jock. THE jock. I look at my hands. Filthy, I thought. Couldn't have thought of anybody else but yourself and them!...But it didn't matter now. I broke the world. I broke life itself. Everything! Everything! Everything!...........I gave out my final words..........."I can't believe this is happening! And with the jock of all people!"...........I absorb into the darkness. Forever more. Nevermore.
Urbane_Guerrilla: Just the lacrimal glands are sore... nothing else.
First editing pass: prepare to discard every modifier in there -- adjective, adverb, adverbial clause if any. Only if the story simply cannot proceed without the modifier do you leave it in.
*Everyone* over-adjectives at first. Learn to use them sparingly, to engage the readers' thought, thus incorporating the audience within the story as they make this small effort of mind.
And there's picking the metaphor that actually tells the story, not unintentionally detracting from it: "mind spinning in several places" sounds like a plate-balancing act, not like panic.
Urbane_Guerrilla: You may protest you are writing a satire. Well and good, but satire is extremely hard to do well. It doesn't age terribly well either; the form itself has many things going against it.
Anonymous19: does anyone have the og clip where brian said the line from this?? i swear that i've seen it before but i don't know where to look for it and i've been losing my mind lol
WITH
THE
JOCK
First editing pass: prepare to discard every modifier in there -- adjective, adverb, adverbial clause if any. Only if the story simply cannot proceed without the modifier do you leave it in.
*Everyone* over-adjectives at first. Learn to use them sparingly, to engage the readers' thought, thus incorporating the audience within the story as they make this small effort of mind.
And there's picking the metaphor that actually tells the story, not unintentionally detracting from it: "mind spinning in several places" sounds like a plate-balancing act, not like panic.
"what" Test Tube gripped the gun