traffik: Kids, in the summer of 2009, your Uncle Barney finally contracted HIV, like we all knew he eventually would. He should've used a condom. He would hang on for several years, but by 2013 it was full-blown AIDS, and he just slowly... faded away. He was skin and bones. He couldn't eat, he couldn't speak. It was horrible. In the end, it got so bad that your Uncle Marshall almost couldn't carry out the slap bet-- but a deal was a deal. And in Barney's final moments, I think he admired Marshall's resolve to give no quarter. Or maybe he was just in unspeakable pain.
As for your Aunt Robin, one night, she just never showed up to do the 10 o'clock newscast. The next night, she was back on the news-- not as the anchor, but as the lead story. She had become the seventh and final victim of the New York Disemboweler-- or, as you've heard me call him many times, Ranjit. It turned out that he'd been using his job as a limo driver as a means of finding his victims since the very beginning. Anyway, his DNA was all over Robin. Crazy Ranjit. That guy was all right. He should've used a condom, though.
Your Aunt Lily found out that she was pregnant, and she and your Uncle Marshall were never happier. But a few months in, Lily miscarried... and she and Marshall were so grief-stricken that they carried out a suicide pact, throwing themselves in front of the West Side Line. They should've used a condom.
And me? Well, I married a squid that I met when I fell into a tank at the New York Aquarium. And that, kids, is how I met your mother.
As for your Aunt Robin, one night, she just never showed up to do the 10 o'clock newscast. The next night, she was back on the news-- not as the anchor, but as the lead story. She had become the seventh and final victim of the New York Disemboweler-- or, as you've heard me call him many times, Ranjit. It turned out that he'd been using his job as a limo driver as a means of finding his victims since the very beginning. Anyway, his DNA was all over Robin. Crazy Ranjit. That guy was all right. He should've used a condom, though.
Your Aunt Lily found out that she was pregnant, and she and your Uncle Marshall were never happier. But a few months in, Lily miscarried... and she and Marshall were so grief-stricken that they carried out a suicide pact, throwing themselves in front of the West Side Line. They should've used a condom.
And me? Well, I married a squid that I met when I fell into a tank at the New York Aquarium. And that, kids, is how I met your mother.
God, I wish I'd used a condom